Who Do I Need to Thank for My Stunningly Good Looks?

I’ve already done the math.  My parents won’t be able to trick me later on in life.  They had me out of wedlock.  We are anything but the “traditional” family and so far, I like it this way.  My mom was having a rough day when I was about the size of a cantaloupe (interesting how one is compared to the size of fruits and vegetables in utero…that’s how I got my nickname “Bean”), but anyway, my nana told her not to worry because “all the cool kids are doing it.”  Nana was referring to being pregnant and unmarried.  Need I say more?

Me and Nana the day I was born. 3/19/2011.

When I was born, there was never any question of who the father was.  I was basically my dad’s identical twin.  Not that there was ever any worrying about who the father was, but my parents would have loved to go on the Maury Show for poops and giggles because they’re just that classy.  I had my dad’s soulful blue eyes, long skinny limbs and blonde hair.  (Those long skinny limbs have since turned rather “big-boned.”  I’m just getting a head start on my career as a linebacker or hockey player or really large ballerina).  I looked just like a Stansfield.  If anything, we should have questioned who the lady was who took me home…  Other than the fact that this lady fed me and seemed to love me beyond words, based on looks, we weren’t related.  It wasn’t until the last couple weeks that people have started seeing the other side of my family in my stunningly good looks.  I’ll let you be the judge.  Who need I thank?  Hopefully to spare extreme embarrassment, my parents won’t have to go on Maury to prove who my mother is.

Me and Dad.

He looks like he hasn't slept in a while.  I wonder why?

She says she's my mom...

Good Ole' Tim - the "other side."

I'll keep her because she feeds me even though she looks a little strange in this photo.

My great-uncle from the "other side."