I am 100 percent confident in saying I am the cutest naked baby ever.
I’m currently sitting here admiring myself and good looks and invite any nay-sayers to tell me to my adorable little face that I am not, in fact,
the cutest naked baby.
Almost every evening after dinner, I release myself from the constriction of the diaper and move freely about the living room floor.
Why we can’t just “potty train” as some other cultures do, I just can’t understand.
Take the Chinese for example.
Those babies don’t wear diapers.
They have openings in their pants and their parents pick up on their bathroom signals (similar to trainings puppies) and let them go in appropriate places.
Out for lunch with Mom and the girls?
That’s okay.
Mom will just hold you out the front door of the restaurant and let you pee (or poop) right on the street.
It’s true.
I do not lie.
Chinese babies get to live freely all day long, every day, while I just get my fifteen minutes here and there.
But I guess beggars can’t be choosers, so I’ll take my fifteen minutes and run with it…but I won’t really run.
I’ll drag myself, as though I have a gunshot wound to the leg, across the floor as fast as humanly possible.
My level of happiness and contentedness increase significantly as I gallivant around the floor, picking up toys, looking at books, trading Bear one of his chew toys for one of mine, all while making my parents oh so happy.
I haven’t seen my parents laugh as hard as they did just a few minutes ago.
My mom actually fell off the couch and onto the floor…I thought maybe she came down with what I have where your limbs don’t obey your commands and just do as they please.
I was ready to call 911, but was relieved to find when she looked at me that it was just the laughter she couldn’t control.
Why adults
choose to fall off the couch is beyond me.
I did that once and I’ll never do it again.
Mom and Dad were laughing because right after Dad said, “Please don’t pee on me,” guess what I did?
That’s right.
They really should consider take some tips from other cultures near and far and start to learn my signs for when I need to go.
It would be to their benefit.
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| Please note the wet spot... |
I am 100 percent confident in saying I am the cutest naked baby ever. I’m currently sitting here admiring myself and good looks and invite any nay-sayers to tell me to my adorable little face that I am not, in fact, the cutest naked baby. Almost every evening after dinner, I release myself from the constriction of the diaper and move freely about the living room floor. Why we can’t just “potty train” as some other cultures do, I just can’t understand. Take the Chinese for example. Those babies don’t wear diapers. They have openings in their pants and their parents pick up on their bathroom signals (similar to trainings puppies) and let them go in appropriate places. Out for lunch with Mom and the girls? That’s okay. Mom will just hold you out the front door of the restaurant and let you pee (or poop) right on the street. It’s true. I do not lie. Chinese babies get to live freely all day long, every day, while I just get my fifteen minutes here and there. But I guess beggars can’t be choosers, so I’ll take my fifteen minutes and run with it…but I won’t really run. I’ll drag myself, as though I have a gunshot wound to the leg, across the floor as fast as humanly possible. My level of happiness and contentedness increase significantly as I gallivant around the floor, picking up toys, looking at books, trading Bear one of his chew toys for one of mine, all while making my parents oh so happy. I haven’t seen my parents laugh as hard as they did just a few minutes ago. My mom actually fell off the couch and onto the floor…I thought maybe she came down with what I have where your limbs don’t obey your commands and just do as they please. I was ready to call 911, but was relieved to find when she looked at me that it was just the laughter she couldn’t control. Why adults choose to fall off the couch is beyond me. I did that once and I’ll never do it again. Mom and Dad were laughing because right after Dad said, “Please don’t pee on me,” guess what I did? That’s right. They really should consider take some tips from other cultures near and far and start to learn my signs for when I need to go. It would be to their benefit. 
